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Applying Existential Theory to Personality Development and Counseling
Psychology of Personality · Chapter 10: Existential Theories of PersonalitySection 10.5 · lesson 64 of 83video coming soon
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In this lesson
What changes when the counsellor refuses to supply the answer.
- Frame personality development as confrontation with the givens
- List the goals of existential counselling
- Explain why the relationship is the vehicle of change
- Weigh the cost of de-emphasising technique
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Existential Theories of Personality
Applying Existential Theory to Development and Counseling
A client comes in after a serious illness, having just confronted their own mortality. The obvious move is to reassure them. An existential counsellor deliberately does not. Not out of coldness, but because reassurance would close the question doing the work. This section covers how existential theory is actually applied. To personality development, and to counselling practice. Including what the approach gives up in exchange for that stance.
Development
Growth as a Series of Encounters
Applied to development, existential theory frames growth as an ongoing task. Confronting the givens of existence, and learning to choose authentically. Notice what that rules out. Development is not the unfolding of a fixed program laid down in advance. It is a series of encounters with freedom, responsibility, and meaning. And each encounter has two possible outcomes. It can be met with courage. Or evaded through bad faith. So maturity, in this view, is not a stage that gets reached. It is a capacity. The increasing capacity to live honestly, and take ownership of one's life.
Turning Points
Crises Do the Stripping Away
This perspective puts unusual weight on pivotal moments. Crises. Losses. Major choices. What makes them developmentally important is what they remove. Such moments strip away comfortable illusions. And confront the person directly with their freedom, and their finitude. But the outcome is genuinely open, which is the uncomfortable part. How a person responds to an existential turning point shapes the direction of their personality. Either deepening authenticity, or entrenching avoidance. Which is why these moments are not merely painful. They are decisive.
The Aims
What Existential Counselling Is Trying to Do
The aims of existential counselling follow directly from the theory. Rather than simply removing symptoms, the counsellor helps the client do five things. Increase self-awareness. Take ownership of their choices. Clarify and pursue what is meaningful to them. Relate to others more authentically. And develop the capacity to tolerate the anxiety that comes with genuine freedom. The overarching goal is a more honest and responsible way of living. Symptom relief is not the target here, although it may well follow.
A Hard Rule
The Counsellor Does Not Supply the Meaning
There is one rule in this work that is easy to break by accident. The goals are pursued collaboratively, rather than imposed. The counsellor does not supply ready-made meaning. And does not tell the client how they should live. The reason is structural, not stylistic. Doing so would contradict the value placed on freedom that the whole approach rests on. So instead, the work supports the client in discovering their own answers. And in committing to them. Which means respecting the client as the ultimate author of their own life.
The Sequence
How the Work Typically Moves
The process typically moves through a recognisable sequence. It begins with establishing trust. Presence, honesty, genuine encounter. From there, exploration deepens, staying with the client's lived experience in the present. As the relationship deepens, the counsellor gently confronts evasions. Then explores the client's freedom, and their responsibility. And finally supports the search for meaning. Note the order carefully, because it is not arbitrary. Trust comes before confrontation. And meaning comes last, chosen by the client.
The Vehicle
The Relationship Is Not the Setting - It Is the Method
In existential counselling, the relationship is not the setting for the method. It is the method. The counsellor meets the client as one human being to another. Offering presence, honesty, and genuine encounter. Rather than adopting a detached expert stance. And there is a reason that matters beyond warmth. The authentic relationship models the very qualities the client is being invited to develop. Openness. Responsibility. Courage. So the immediate relationship becomes a space where new ways of being can be tried. And then integrated.
In Practice
The Common Practices
Existential counselling is less technique-driven than most approaches. It values attitude and presence over standardised procedures. That said, certain practices are common. Open exploration of the client's concerns. Attention to choices, and to responsibility. Examination of values and meaning. And honest dialogue about anxiety, loss and mortality, where those are relevant. But hold these loosely. They are means to authentic encounter, not mechanical interventions.
State the Cost
What De-Emphasising Technique Buys, and Loses
The deliberate de-emphasis on technique is both a strength and a limitation. Take the gains first. It keeps the focus on the person, and resists turning therapy into a formula. It allows depth that a manual could not script. Now the costs, which are real and worth stating plainly. The approach is harder to teach. Harder to standardise. And harder to evaluate. That last one has consequences for the evidence base. And there is a further burden it creates. Effective existential counselling depends heavily on the counsellor themselves. On their own maturity, self-awareness, and capacity for genuine relationship. Those are qualities no protocol can supply.
Illustration
The Counsellor Who Does Not Reassure
Return to the client facing serious illness. They have been forced to confront mortality, and the counsellor does not rush to reassure. Instead they help the client explore something specific. What the brush with death reveals about their values. The client reorders priorities. And commits to a more meaningful way of living. The crucial detail is whose commitment it is. The counsellor did not choose it for them. Reassurance would have been kinder in the moment. And it would have closed the very question that was doing the work.
Consolidate
Goals, and How You Know They Are Moving
Finally, how you would know any of this is working. For self-awareness, the focus is recognising one's patterns. Progress shows as greater insight. For ownership of choice, the focus is accepting responsibility. Progress shows as less blaming, and more agency. For meaning-making, the focus is clarifying what matters. Progress shows as renewed purpose. For authentic relating, the focus is honesty with others. Progress shows as deeper relationships. And for anxiety tolerance, the focus is bearing existential anxiety. Progress shows as choosing, despite uncertainty. Now notice what is absent from that entire column. None of the signs of progress is the absence of discomfort. Choosing despite uncertainty counts as progress. Feeling certain does not.
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